Invest in complexity

Think life is too simple? That is because it is not not what you didn't think it wasn't. Whenever you feel like your stupid product isn't selling as much as it could, or that it is just not over the top enough to appease your weird sense of consumer confidence, invest in more complexity to see better returns.

The other day I proved to you that consumers enjoy spending more money for less efficiency and effectiveness. Basically, less bang for your buck. Or, more bang for exponentially or disproportionately more buck. I think the latter is a better saying. Instead of rolling off of your tongue it punches your tongue in the face. Face-tongue-face relationships are complex... which brings back to my point.

Take Dell computers for example. They sell a wide variety of portable computational-matrix-deriving-number-storing-calculation machines. However, recently they decided that they didn't have enough product in the Hummer-owners market.

On Tuesday, Dell bestowed the Latitude Z upon the upper crust. According to Dell, it’s the world’s thinnest (14mm) 16-inch laptop, and it starts at $1,999.

Your pay grade is just that high. It says, “I’m better than this clunky laptop docking station. I’m better than sticking a power cord into my computer. And I’m better than waiting for Windows to check my e-mail.”

This idea that Dell has where only multi-millionaires can afford computational machines that cost $2000 is CORRECT. Matt and I recently purchased a computational device that cost a whopping $3000.00. We could only afford it because we are trillionaires. If you came over to one of our superhouses™ and saw this bad boy sitting at our desk, you'd surely have no more doubt about how much wealth we have attained. YOU could not afford a $2000 dollar laptop BECAUSE you are not an executive who makes millions of dollars per year. CORRECT. Nice job Dell.

For example, most laptops require brute force and crunching noises before making their way into docking stations. But not the Latitude Z.

Holey crapsticks! My laptop DOES require crunching noises to work. It is extremely annoying to have to make these noises with my mouth or with the bones of small children EVERY TIME I want to calculate something. Any consumer would surely be enticed by such a feature.

The laptop is designed with many shiny accouterments, with lots of wireless peripherals. All of this is supposed to make you look fancy whilst you use your calculator machine. PERFECT! It is very important to Matt and I that we constantly exude an air of superiority. We wouldn't want you to think that we were somehow not extremely wealthy.

But the most impressive feature on the Latitude Z may be the ability to check e-mail, calendar and contact information and to browse the Web...

Damn... you kids and your calculatronicerators. Thems is gettin' fancy. I couldn't ever imagine having the ability to locate pre-determined appointments correlated with a calendrical system designed for organization and accuracy on the same device that I can find specific information about how to contact friends, family, associates, and deities that I know.

You see what I am saying folks? Invest in complexity. Its better than unsliced bread and a bicycle with no seat combined.

Some kind of... delicious...breadcycle.