An extremely wealthy individual that Matt and I know pointed out to me this morning an interesting way to make multiple dollarmoneys™. FIND TREASURE.
LONDON — For the jobless man living on welfare who made the find in an English farmer’s field two months ago, it was the stuff of dreams: a hoard of early Anglo-Saxon treasure,
You see, the Anglo-Saxons were communist bastards. They clearly weren't interested in the personal accumulation of unnecessary wealth. That is why they buried all of their treasure for you to find. There is so much out there. This jobless man is actually a former employee of Matt's who was fired for not making enough money for himself (his salary was too low). Since all of our employees must sign a contract stating that all Anglo-Saxon treasure found hithertofuturdatefind must be forfeited to either Aaron or Matt, this treasure belongs to us; and since 90% of the world's population is an employee of our corporation, chances are your treasure will belong to us as well... so... um... that doesn't mean that the 10% of you who are left can't be finding some scurvy pirate-saxon treasure. Yarrr.
Step 1) Get a treasure-detecting device that isn't for idiots, like this one:
Step 2) Watch out for this mother fucker:
God, what the fuck is that anyway? Some kind of sand-tiger-cave? Why can it talk? Stupid Anglo-Saxons, don't they know that weird, giant, talking desert caves of wonder don't make sense to the modern man?
Step 3) Locate and secure treasure
Step 4) Avoid all life-threatening consequences:
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