Matt and I keep telling you, there is money in space

I don't mean that there is literally dollarmoneys™ floating around in the nothingness that is space, what I mean is that space is a lucrative idea that can be sold for many millions of dollars per parsec. For example, the megaconglomoration™ that Matt and I founded; Hadell Industries, owns several space-faring vessels. We sell one ticket for a ride around the Earth for $35 million.

Do you see how we make money? Is it clear to you?

"But Aaron" you say in a raspy and emaciated voice, "nobody would pay that much for a ticket to space!"

You are wrong, theoretical idiot.

LONDON -- The stilt-walking Guy Laliberté was one of only 44 billionaires in the world that actually got richer last year. On Wednesday he spent his cash in style, buying the most expensive space travel ticket in history for more than $35 million.

That $35 million could not have been better spent. Ever since we cured all diseases, ended world hunger, eradicated the concept of genocide, and saved our environment we have had nothing to spend our extra cash on. I mean, fancy boats, planes, and cars only cost so much. Why not purchase 9 days in a small, claustrophobic room with smelly Russians and Chinese wiseguys , without a toilet nor delicious food... for $35 million. Yeah yeah, you get to see our planet from some other obscure location, great... the real value is in the accommodations.

This is why Matt and I officially recommend investing in all things space. Whether it be purchasing land on another planet, selling ships that can traverse space-time, or giving people bus rides to extraterrestrial motels, I can guarantee that you will make a lot of money.

Laliberté joined an exclusive list of six other space [billionaire] tourists, who have paid between $20 million and approximately $35 million for their space trips since 2001.

Guess who isn't on that list? Matt and Aaron. That is because we are not space tourists and we are not billionaires. We actually own and manage several sectors of space and are trillionaires. Therefor we can neither be classified as tourists nor petty billionaires. So don't come whining that you don't see us on that list. Also, Matt and I are so wealthy that we transcend lists. So... avoid looking us up in any kind of list unless its a list of people who transcend lists... that list might actually implode and collapse the universe due to its intrinsic contradictory nature so be careful.

Can't afford to go to space or don't have enough capital to start investing in space? Then watch this video instead.