Have you guys heard about this noise? Fucking health care is going to cost almost a trillion dollars! You know what this means, yes? Health care in this country is so expensive, not even Aaron and I can afford it.
Me? I blame this guy:
Max Baucus seems to me like he's the kind of man who'd be filling a health care bill with all kinds of shit to make sure this country's attempts at health care reform ultimately end up lining the pockets of insurance companies — which, by and large, are owned by Aaron and myself. Thanks Max, your campaign check is in the mail! Who says Democracy doesn't work?
Anyway, like I was saying, you'd be surprised how many health care companies are real mom and pop places. United Health Care, for instance, is a subsidiary of the Chicago Avenue Cracker Company, which in turn is owned by Aaron, who purchased it from some business man in Qatar. That guy founded the company because he was sick of going to the store for crackers. IT'S PARTICULARLY INCONVENIENT IN THE DESERT.
Just think: If that Qatari 2600 hadn't been lazy and hungry for something salty to go with his delicious oil, millions of Americans wouldn't have health care. It's a good thing we can trust our international neighbors with something as valuable and lucrative as the health of our citizens, America!
Incidentally, if you're looking for a particularly salty cracker, go with one that originated in Qatar. Those bitches put salt in everything.
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